Recently, I participated in a workshop, drawn by my natural desire as a life-long learner. I adore being in spaces hoping to be nurtured the way that I as a space holder do for others. This event called me forward, promising an opportunity for growth and a chance to immerse myself in new knowledge and I was for it!
In such gatherings, I intentionally place in the prayer field that I find a mix of resonance and familiarity. I know that parts of the content will speak to my soul, aligning with my own intuitive explorations, while other aspects serve as gentle reminders of paths I've already tread and therefore are confirming. Simultaneously, I observe with a respectful yet discerning eye, from one facilitator to another, appreciating the shared journey and the diverse ways we each hold space for discovery and transformation. To be honest, I dissect the verbal and nonverbal cues, the energetic field, and the frequency of the information being disseminated compassionately but I also take this seriously - noticing what is missing and the potential of where the experience could have gone.
In our Devoted Circle Training, I invite participants to embrace this perspective. My teachings aren't revolutionary, but perhaps, in the way I present them, they might unlock new understandings or kindle a newfound zest for space holding. Hmm, I love that word - zest. There is a zing, an aliveness to the word. And so I digress. Beyond sparking insights, I consider my greatest role as a facilitator to ground you in discernment, to ensure my perspectives aren't adopted unquestioningly as gospel for even though I am Reverend Sora Schilling, Minister of Walking Prayer, I am not here to preach.
It's about observing the way I navigate space – how does a trauma-informed approach manifest in my guidance, acknowledging that perfection is unattainable?
It's about recognizing the importance of actively challenging systemic racism and oppression, questioning the norms that perpetuate inequality, and understanding what true inclusivity embodies.
How do we address cultural appropriation sensitively, and ensure our space is free from the subtle yet harmful impacts of microaggressions?
Now I fail at this all the time and please do not think I have it figured out at all. But I am considering these questions consciously when I am holding space. Therefore, these are the reflections I encourage you to ask when you are attending events or hosting them, promoting a learning environment where critical thinking and empathy go hand in hand.
Reflecting on my own journey and the workshop I recently participated in, I've noted some insights that could enrich your practice as space holders or at least give you some food for thought.
This isn't about critiquing the facilitator but about deepening our collective understanding and approach. It's through self-observation that I recognize areas for my humble growth, and in sharing these, I hope to contribute to our collective evolution in creating spaces that are nurturing, respectful, and transformative.
I believe that space holding is in need of a revolution in the self development field, especially when one is hosting a workshop, class, webinar, or event.
Here are some thoughts and considerations that might inspire and guide you in your role as a facilitator, drawn from my recent experience and ongoing learning process. Take it or leave it, allow it to be the stepping stone of your own inquiry.
1. Look at the Center of Your Screen / Camera
In the realm of virtual gatherings, the art of eye contact is sacred. It helps the viewer access a new dimension and in this day in age when being online makes it more accessible for many, humans are also desiring heartfelt connection. The most intentional way this can be done is to look directly at the screen.
I believe it is essential to focus on the camera, the portal through which your attendees' gaze meets yours, fostering a sense of direct engagement and inclusion. There are many folks that have felt less than, never looked at, always slightly on the outskirts and by not viewing at the camera, this feeling emerges. This practice is not merely about where your eyes rest but about making each participant feel seen and important. It is more than fine to divert your eyes when looking at different screens or your notes but when you look for the majority of your time speaking should be at the main camera or it inadvertently creates a barrier, diluting the sense of connection that is pivotal in these virtual experiences.
Envision the camera as the collective eyes of your audience, inviting you into a shared experience. To maintain this intimate link, consider your environment and equipment setup and stop getting so complicated. Position your camera to align with your natural line of sight, facilitating a direct gaze into the lens. This can significantly enhance the energetic field, making each individual feel uniquely acknowledged within the collective virtual space. Yes, this feels like a useless tip but to see a facilitator hold space for hundreds and never fully look at the main camera was disconcerting. No matter what you feel about online - it can be a conduit for meaningful, personal interactions. Let’s invite presence and gratitude - honoring everyone who attends.
2. Honor Cultures
Your wisdom is a treasure, and I wholeheartedly support the sharing of your insights. Please continue to share YOU. Here is what occurred at the workshop that I attended and some considerations with the focus on being honor cultures.
Embracing Lunar New Year, beyond the often mentioned Chinese New Year, enriches our collective understanding and respects the diversity of traditions that mark this time. A brief mention by calling it Chinese New Year with one example, without depth, overlooks the richness of various cultures that celebrate this moment in their unique ways.
It's an opportunity to delve into the myriad practices that have long honored the lunar calendar across the globe, thus paying respect to the BIPOC communities' heritage and inviting inclusivity.
Encouraging shared stories and curiosities about Lunar New Year can foster communal relationships and dialogue, making the learning experience richer for everyone involved. This is where less preaching and more inclusivity can automatically create a sense of self-agency. Circular leadership, as I envision, is about creating spaces where every participant feels valued and heard. It's not just about imparting knowledge; it's about weaving a tapestry of shared experiences, honoring the lands and cultures we come from, and engaging in genuine dialogue. Whether the gathering is small or large, each person brings with them a world of experiences that, when shared, can transform a simple workshop or online event into a profound communal journey.
3. Teaching is More than Giving Directions or Defining a Word
Reflecting on my journey, I once found myself drawn to the allure of prominent coaches and spiritual guides, captivated by their eloquence and beauty. These qualities, indeed sacred, contribute to their unique essence, which I honor. Yet, in a world where quick, inspiring snippets are the norm, depth can sometimes be overshadowed. True sacred leadership, to me, involves more than just regurgitating wisdom; it's about igniting an inner awakening. My mentor, Jyoti Ma, exemplified this through humility, profound personal inquiry, and the sharing of her insights, all while encouraging us to forge our own paths.
In your workshops, I invite you to embrace this spirit. Avoid prescribing actions as absolutes, and when sharing spiritual practices, delve into their origins and personal significance, offering more than a cursory mention. Rather than dictating the journey, foster an environment where exploration and personal resonance become the guideposts to deeper understanding. Encourage curiosity and embrace the tranquility of not having all the answers, or being the source of a singular tip, tool, or insight that transforms someone's life in an instant.
We're entering a time when people increasingly seek guides who empower them to navigate their paths, rather than surrendering control of their thoughts and feelings to practices without actively seeking personal resonance.
This to consider and celebrate yourself and others who actively do this:
Avoid telling folks to do an action or believe in one thing or insisting on absolutes.
Encourage autonomy, personal choice, and self-agency.
When introducing a prayer or spiritual practice, delve deeper than a token, half-invested mention. Unpack its origins and share its profound impact through your lens, inviting a personal connection so it feels honoring.
Rather than skimming the surface with direct instructions, encourage and foster an environment of discovery. Guide participants toward finding their unique connection and alignment with the practices introduced.
4. Consider How Language Impacts the Group
I believe the continuous practice of holding communal spaces helps our ego’s need for performative actions to gradually fade away as you tap into your transformative medicine. Initially, as you navigate the newness of any space you're holding, it's natural to feel compelled to fit into a role or emulate what you perceive that type of space holder to be, until you settle into your own rhythm. This is why those with small or large community platforms have a responsibility to continue doing the work of cleaning up their own blindspots as space holders. At the same time, becoming comfortable with hosting virtual experiences can lead to a lack of mindfulness in our words, creating a disconnect from the core intent of our gatherings, with language that may not align with the collective energy. We stop placing awareness on our words and conversation skills.
I recently encountered phrases like “crazy, insane, emotional terrorist, and like I was being paid in pesos” within a single breath, which slammed into my energy with startling pain. My values, grounded in trauma-informed care, find such expressions unacceptable and jolting. The casual use of terms like "crazy" or "delusional" marginalizes and diminishes self-agency, historically impacting women and various communities. The notion of an "emotional terrorist" undermines the complexity of human interactions, simplifying them into a conflict triangle that I strive to transcend, recognizing my role in discerning and elevating above such dynamics. The “joke” about being "paid in pesos" disregards the dignity of those for whom pesos are a currency of hard-earned value. It also shows a superiority from a colonized lens and places certain nations as less than.
You might think I'm taking this too seriously. I've been in spaces with well-known spiritual visionaries with big book deals and packed conferences, where their speech mirrors this. Yet, I've also been in more intimate gatherings where those deeply engaged in their work, without the same level of privilege, communicate differently. It's not about blaming or idolizing public figures for guidance but acknowledging our collective opportunity for growth. The goal of such language is to create a sense of togetherness, but as space holders, we carry the crucial duty of choosing words that promote inclusivity, understanding, and respect.
How I Felt
Reflecting on my feelings post-event, I wasn't consumed by anger, but rather enveloped in a state of stunned silence, a blend of confusion and sadness that's hard to name. This gradually alchemized into compassionate contemplation and ultimately, a profound sense of gratitude, anchoring me in peace.
Why, you ask? Firstly, it's because of you—yes, you reading this. Your dedication as a space holder, regardless of your reach, has the potential to alter one person's interaction with the world, illuminating a chain reaction of discernment and change through your unique influence. THANK YOU FOR DOING THE WORK!
Let us hope that we continue to learn with a trauma-informed lens, actively working to dismantle systems of oppression that foster division and hierarchy. No to that BS.
Secondly, I was washed over by a deep sense of self-love. I cherish my unique way of facilitating spaces, creating an environment where, regardless of the number, we connect with the collective consciousness, supported by the universal frequency of the Great Mother. This work fills me with endless gratitude.
You, too, are a remarkable space holder, embodying the heart of transformation. It's time we further commit to fostering spaces, both virtual and physical, that are deeper, richer, and more transformative.
Lastly, discomfort is a teacher showing me my truth. How can I serve you as an energy coach, Minister of Walking Prayer, and mystic if I don't navigate my emotions, extracting lessons to share? This journey allows us to remember and walk together, guided by shared insights and healing.
I feel so much better expressing my heart today. Thank you for being a part of my healing this week.
xoxo,
P.S. I am embarking on an exciting venture within our Devoted Way community, directly inspired by my recent experiences and the profound lessons learned. I’m extending a special invitation to a select few to partake in a pilot experience, all for the nominal fee of $9. This initiative is not just about joining; it's about co-creating a sacred, inclusive space for circle facilitators, one that embodies the principles of mindfulness, inclusivity, and respect I hold dear. Look out for an application in the coming days.
This is an opportunity to be the first to be involved in this project that values rituals (no matter your confidence level in creating them), seeks to offer an effortless and inspiring circle experience, and thrives on pioneering new pathways. If you’re drawn to innovation, crave the support and love from both me and your fellow coven members, and wish to contribute to a space that learns from every experience, I warmly encourage you to apply. More details will soon be on their way to your inbox, inspired by our collective journey towards deeper, richer, and more transformative spaces.
I’d love to hear from you. Would you leave me a comment and share your feels around today’s post?
Thank you for sharing and reminding me to look into the centre of the camera! I still wonder how you manage to wear those gorgeous glasses without having a reflection of the screen in it! I usually wear glasses too, but always put in lenses as I always have a reflection of the light or pc in my glasses. :-D
Thank you for airing this.
I was recently in a retreat situation where a lot was experienced and it was jarring that mixed in were subtle and not so subtle examples of cultural insensitivity and disrespect for the earth. It was a small group so a couple of times I did say something but it wasn’t my space.
I have a lot of privilege and am still very much learning, it is soothing to be in spaces this is an awareness and where I am reminded.